After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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