I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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