If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Green mimosas i think yes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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