my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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