they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
