I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
