This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
