please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
