why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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