just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets