im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
where are you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah