Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How does one acquire holy water?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES