omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian