Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY