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• (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".

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• (619): View more from California

  FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.

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• (315): View more from New York

  she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.

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