So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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