How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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