I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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