Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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