I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
