so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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