I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
