she woke up with a sticky ear
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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