my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
