last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's rum buckets o'clock
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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