Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
