I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
