# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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