good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
