i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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