Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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