there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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