Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
