my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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