she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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