I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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