I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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