That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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