I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
