we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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