So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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