How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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