What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize