I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
