i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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