the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
