I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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