saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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