it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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