Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
