I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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