he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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