so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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