Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
