I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
