I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
