belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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