i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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