The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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