so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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