I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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