I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
