so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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