Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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