Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
