And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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