Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had sex on a roof
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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