You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
