Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
