If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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