Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
