I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
