Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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