I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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